just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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