considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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