Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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