Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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