I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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