I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
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You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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