Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
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I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
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Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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