and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
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She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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