i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize