how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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