im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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