Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize