Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
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Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
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You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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