Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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