apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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