Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize