I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
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I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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