Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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