Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize