I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize