If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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