So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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