I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
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To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
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Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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