please come you make the beer taste better
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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