shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize