Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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