GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
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just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
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