32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
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last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
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I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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