i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
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The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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