What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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