im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize