I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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