These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize