Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
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He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
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the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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