Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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