I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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