you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
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And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
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You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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