hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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