Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
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did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
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If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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