there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
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So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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