Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
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I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
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You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize