i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize