a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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