it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
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I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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