Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
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it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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