Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
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If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
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The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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