my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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