Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize