You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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