he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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